P3-what's it?
by gatehead81
Summary: Bit of a crazy work in progress humour team fic. Starts on base with Sam and ends up off-world...somewhere, not sure where or why yet. All I know is that it is going to be a fun excursion (or two). Got a few chapters done, more to follow as and when. K rated Humour/Friendship. All involved SGC fic.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Well hot dang it's good to be in a place of inspiration...been a while folks. This one is a very erratic work in progress that is coming out of exam procrastination, but they are over at the end of this week so hopefully this story will begin to take some sort of more directional shape after that. So far it's taken me on two different tangents from my original idea so who knows where the guys will end up :)**

**SUMMARY: Bit of a crazy work in progress humour team fic. Starts on base with Sam and ends up off-world...somewhere, not sure where or why yet. All I know is that it is going to be a fun excursion (or two). Got a few chapters done, more to follow as and when. K rated Humour/Friendship. All involved SGC fic. **

**Chapter 1: A bit of a Sam-ologue to begin with. Join our bored Major as she finishes up a long shift of preliminary designation searches. **

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**P3-WHAT'S IT?**

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According to the images on screen P3B-111 was dull. Not just overcast and rainy dull but dull in every sense of the word imaginable. It had nothing in the way of changing atmosphere patterns and even less in the way of personality. The grey mud plains that covered the wide barren expanses to the slightly pathetic looking mountain range melded into one another so much on the screen that Sam was finding it difficult to stay awake long enough to complete the preliminary analysis so that it could be ruled out for exploration. To be honest she was kind of glad there was nothing on it. The MALP had been there for five days now and in all that time it had neither gotten fully dark nor had it stopped raining. It just sat in an eternal state of perpetual rainy dusk. Having to go to P3B-111 would have been a real pain, but with any luck in just over half an hour's time she could officially rule it out. The chances of there being anything interesting on the giant mudball that seemed to have an excruciatingly slow rotational orbit was so low that she really did not have to pay attention to what she was doing. She allowed her eyes drift closed for a moment...but she would not allow herself fall asleep just yet, she wanted this task done, she did not want to have to look at this stupid planet ever again, especially not tomorrow morning.

The computer in front of her beeped startling her out of her near dozing state. The final results were filtering through in a string of numbers and chemical symbols before her eyes. "Already?" she mused and glanced at her watch. Her eyebrows flicked up, forty-six minutes had passed...damn, she had fallen asleep after all. She sighed deeply and stretched out the kinks in her neck. It had been a good while since she had been stuck on desk duty for so long and she was no longer used to the specific strain sitting still for so long put on your muscles...or your eyes. She rubbed at them and decided not to bother checking over the last half-hour's string of data, it would have nothing new, she was sure of it.

Instead she once again fixated on how she had ended up being stuck Earth-side for over a week in the first place. Mildly she cursed Daniel for his inbuilt curiosity that invariably attracted trouble. The man had gotten himself trapped in a room with a flock of strange looking chicken-like birds that had systematically pecked most of his uniform off and parts of his skin so that he was bleeding and vulnerable to infection before they found him. Naturally he had got an infection and Janet grounded him until it was cleared up. That meant Hammond had grounded the rest of them too just in case they developed symptoms as they had all gotten...well...hen-pecked, for want of a better word whilst trying to get him out. They ended up being quarantined on base too, so desk and lab work was all there was for it...not that she had much of that to do either these days. Discovery rates had been slow for months now and all of the interesting stuff went straight to Area 51 as was the new policy and so she had volunteered a shift of scanning new potential planets. Boy was she regretting that now, she had forgotten how mundane that work could be, especially given that the quadrant of space she had been assigned seemed to have been completely abandoned centuries ago...with one exception that was.

The computer beeped again awaiting her input to upload the final MALP data and Sam swore mildly at herself for getting distracted. "Come on Carter." she cajoled aloud. "The sooner you get this done the sooner you get to go to bed." P3B-Triple-One was the last planet on the list and she really, really wanted to turn in. Tomorrow at oh-eight hundred she was to present her findings for the planet's predecessor P3B-110, the only planet in the entire section that showed any real promise and with any luck her team would be the one to go investigate. 110 had naquadah and ruins. It also looked like it still had locals on it too if the tracks near the gate were anything to go by. It was a while since they had found a planet will all three of those factors and Sam had to admit she really hoped that SG-1 would be the team that was allowed to go negotiate the mining rights...or at least be the ones to make first contact. She would make her case to Hammond in the morning and was feeling confident that she would succeed, especially as she and the Colonel had basically railroaded Janet into clearing Daniel for duty a week earlier than planned...before they all went stir-crazy and half wrecked the SGC.

She smiled at the memory of how she and her CO had tag-teamed the doctor, her using all of her best-friend charm and insider information to pick out the best bribes throughout the week and the Colonel just being plain annoying, 'accidentally' dropping trays and curiously picking up recently sterilized equipment and asking "What does this do?" Finally Janet had snapped and gave them both what they wanted, a healthy, ready for duty Daniel. "Fine!" she had told them. "You can have him back, but Sam, as the field medic, I am making it your responsibility to ensure that nothing happens to him, if his rash comes back, you come home, no delays...and...it's your job to see that he finishes his course of antibiotics. You understand me?" Jack had guffawed loudly at her, baby-sitting Daniel and his meds was a nigh-on impossible task. His glee did not last long as the pint-sized doctor turned on him. "Oh don't get too cocky Colonel, next time you land yourself in one of my beds your ass is mine to with as I please." And with that, really rather ominous warning still ringing in their ears she had walked off leaving Jack with a look on his face that even managed to instill a sense of fear into Carter's own expression. Being at Janet's mercy when it was payback time was a terrifying prospect. The small doctor had ways and means at her disposal and a very, _very _creative bent when it came to petty revenge.

A third time the computer beeped and this time Sam banged her hand on the counter in frustration and marshaled her thoughts. Without further delay she scanned over the information and relieved that there was nothing out of the ordinary she closed down the file, typed up her findings, printed them and headed off to bed.

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**AN: Next our guys are all together...nuf said...post in a few days ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Still procrastinating, so here ya go, chapter two...**

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The morning briefing had gone exactly as planned and now SG-1 were gearing up and chattering like excited school kids about to go on a field trip. Each of them was grinning from ear to ear and Daniel was still scratching at his now almost non-existent rash. "Stop that!" Jack demanded as he scratched his own neck. "You are making me itchy."

"I can't help it Jack, I _am _itchy!"

"Well stop it anyhow, you keep that up when we get to the gate room and you'll get us all grounded again."

"Oh stop being so dramatic. Janet would not have cleared me if she did not think I was ready for active duty again."

Behind Daniel's back Carter and the Colonel shared a dubious look. "Best not to take any risks though Daniel, I know I wouldn't, so stop from scratching." Sam offered, trying to keep things on an even keel.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one who has been itchy and covered in scabs all week." He shook himself and once again began scratching his arm. "Besides the only way we are going to get grounded is if Janet catches me and that is not going to happen unless-"

"Desist Daniel Jackson, Doctor Frasier is in fact approaching." Teal'c advised.

Daniel laughed at the Jaffa's attempt at a joke. "Yeah right."

"Daniel!" Jack warned as he saw a shadow approaching the door.

Jackson instantly stopped scratching as the doc entered their locker room and threw her a nervous grin. "Ah good, you are still here. Forget something?" she inquired of the archaeologist.

"Ah...no I don't think so?" Daniel answered as he searched his brain for what it might be. Of course he had forgot something, he always did.

A hand rode out onto a shapely hip. "Honestly Jackson sometimes I do wonder about you...here." She shook his new antibiotic prescription bottle at him and reached it out towards him.

"I'll take that." Sam interjected and quickly snatched the bottle from Janet before her friend could take it.

"What? Why?" Daniel wanted to know.

"And I'll make sure he takes them all Janet." Sam continued, ignoring Daniel's confused outburst.

"Good, I'll see you all back here in a few days time. Stay safe out there." She was about to leave but Daniel was not finished yet.

"Wait, why did you let Sam take my medication? Am I not capable of taking it myself?" he protested, actually feeling slightly hurt.

Janet, hearing his tone turned back to face him. She sighed deeply and gave him a knowing look. "Daniel. Did you remember to come by and collect your prescription first thing?"

"No." the man admitted.

"And did you have any of the last one left?"

"No actually I didn't, so there you go, that proves that I can take my medication on time, so you can give it back to me Sam." Daniel crowed, stretching out his hand.

Sam was about to speak when Janet cut her off. "Not so fast. Daniel, when were you supposed to come back and get your next prescription?"

"Thursday."

"And this is..."

There was a pause. "Saturday."

"So that means..."

Daniel sighed, he hated it when Janet did this to him, especially in front of the guys, it was embarrassing. "Okay so I missed a couple of pills, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is you got pecked half to bits by a giant alien chicken!" the doctor burst out, how could he not get that? She raised her voice as she continued her attempt at scolding the grown man over the top of the Colonel's and Carter's intense laughing. "And...stop it you two, this is serious! Daniel the implications could be quite serious. If you-"

"Alright, alright!" the Colonel interrupted, still somewhat jovially. "Daniel, Carter is looking after your medication, it's part of the deal for going off-world today. Doc, as hilarious as it always is to watch you berate Daniel, we are supposed to be in the gate room in exactly...yikes! Three minutes ago, so that'll have to do for now." He smiled mildly but with an air of authority and the doctor nodded, stepping out of their way before returning his smile.

"Teal'c, you know what to do." Jack crowed and tugged on his P-90.

"Indeed." the Jaffa intoned and with a faster than usual step, he lead the way to the embarkation room.

The other's stalled watching him go. His enthusiasm was hard to miss as he practically swung his might bulk around the corner. "Ahh...I think we'd better hurry, I don't think he'll hold the elevator." Daniel remarked.

"In that case, after you...chicken boy." Sam teased and signaled for Daniel to go first. The man audibly groaned.

"Chicken boy...nice one Carter, I was hoping there would be a time when we got to use that one again." the Colonel whispered into her ear as they left the room together. "And thanks for being the one to bring it up, you know I still can't after what happen the first time I called him that."

"Oh no problem Sir, and that's just the beginning of the teasing I've got planned. I've basically had all week to think about it...this is going to be fun!"

Janet watched as Jack nudged Sam's elbow as he answered her with his standard "Yeah sure you betcha'." She shook her head, those four were just the best bunch of people she knew...and now it was time to go eat more of the cherry pie that Sam had baked for her. Maybe she should keep one of them grounded more often...it could be the beginning of a beautiful bribery scheme...and some very clogged arteries, she reminded herself.

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**AN: Hehe, silly SG fun :) Heading off-world soon...but where to?**


End file.
